Friday, May 30, 2008

Already Confused

yeah so im thinkin this pic is from freshman year!! :)

sorry i didnt write yesterday, i had no time. I went to Idaho falls with my mommy and we went shopping and then we went to the dr. I am very afraid of the dr. office, im always afraid they are gonna tell me im dying or that someone i love is dying. those are big fears in my life. and then after the dr( dont worry no one is dying) i went home and packed and went out to shys house. we went to gunner, her boys. graduation and then we went to his house ate cake and then went home to shys and went to sleep. then today we woke up at like 6:30 and got ready well kinda and took the kids, kels and brody, to school and then we went to shys school and checked her out. Then we went and got Kylee and went to mcdonalds it was yummy! Then we went to ky's parents store and chatted with her mommy. they made fun of us because a few weekends ago we were going around and around the round about and we got caught by a cop. they think its funny and it kinda is!! but after that we just went to the phone place saw a hot boy and got the kids from school and went home and then i drove back up to poky cuz im babysitting my cousin Jade today! she is one and the cutest lil thing ever. she can dance i tought her how:) so my thoughts on today are I HATE missing people. its the worst and i miss so many people today. the one i will say for sure is ASHY!! i miss her so much i wish she was here so that we could go play. she is my best friend and my sister and i cant wait for her to move home! even though she will be a mommy by the time she gets home! ohh im soo excited. I also hate missing old boys becuase there is nothing you can do. and you cant tell them becuase you want them to move on and be happy, when really deep down inside you just want to be like hey i love you please come back i promise i wont eff things up again. its hard letting go of something or someone you have loved, its nearly impossible. i dont think you ever stop loving something you once loved i think you can be mad at it, you can try to hate it, but really honestly i think you always love it. I wish boys werent stubborn and i wish they didnt make things akward! i wish you could be friends with people you have dated. lots of people have done it i think im jinksed i have never and probably will never be friends with someone i have dated. doesnt that suck! idk i think its becuase i will date a boy and then i get bored so i do something completely awful so that they will hate me and break up with me and then they just never get over it. im cursed and its awful. so note to my prince charming that i havent met yet im sorry but you are gonna have to put up with a lot and dont give up hope on me. i promise i always will come back to you. so just come find me!
well my last thought today came from the song dreamin with a broken heart.
i nearly bust into tears when i heard it going to go get liz from her friends house today. it is so true:
When you're dreaming with a broken heart The waking up is the hardest part You roll outta bed and down on your knees And for the moment you can hardly breathe Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.... When you're dreaming with a broken heart The giving up is the hardest part She takes you in with her crying eyes Then all at once you have to say goodbye Wondering could you stay my love? Will you wake up by my side? No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

but my message to all of you today is dont give up. last night at the graduation one of the validictorians talked about moving forward and doing great things with your life and his momma committed suicide a year ago and he said to never give up becase it is just a day today is friday tomorrow is saturday and it will get better if you make it better. so always look on the brightside.
Love.Peace. Never Give Up

1 comment:

Ashlie said...

Deep bear, very deep. I miss you too! Love you!